Arranging a marriage is one of the hardest jobs; an Indian father is expected to do in his lifetime. Everyone in the family looks forward to this event except the poor father esp. if he happens to be the father of the bride. It starts with him running from one place to the other pleading with people to accept his daughter as their daughter in law. It is considered below dignity for the boy’s father to go to the girl’s house with a marriage proposal.
Then comes the ritual of matching the horoscope. Thousands of marriages have been broken; Lakhs of girls have been widowed even after a perfect matching of the horoscope. Yet, the practice continues. If there were any substance in it, no Christian or Muslim or Sikh marriage would have survived. It is really amazing how educated class also refuses to do away with this practice.
The fact is that marriage has always been the biggest gamble an individual takes is one’s life irrespective of it being an arranged or a love marriage. Most of the marriages in India are arranged marriages. The philosophy behind this has been that a marriage is coming together of not only two individuals but of two families. With the advent of unitary families with children moving away from the families mostly for jobs, this argument is no longer valid. There is a trend these days of bowing to children’s desire and parents converting love affairs into arranged marriages. This probably is the best arrangement. For parents, nothing should be more important than their children’s’ happiness. They should act as guides and tell the children about what to expect from a marriage. Marriage is nothing but a series of adjustments and compromises.
Once the marriage has been fixed, enters the pandit. These pandits are the biggest villains in this whole drama of marriage. They will start by telling you which date will be the most auspices for the marriage. I fail to understand how a day or a moment created by God can be inauspices . Guru Nanak Dev has written,
‘ har ghadi shubh ghadi, har war shubh war,
Nanak bhadra tab chadhe, ruthe jab Kartar’
It means that all days and all moments have been created by God and how can anything created by Him be inauspices, It’s only when He turns away from you that your bad times start.
There is a tradition amongst the Hindus that the father of the bride gives his daughter away as ‘Dan” This is called ‘Kanya Dan’ and is supposed to be the biggest ‘Dan’. The idea behind this was that henceforth the father of the bride will have no say in her life and that the girl will have no connection to her family. Nothing can be more ridiculous than this. A girl is not a commodity that can be given away as ‘Dan’. The Vedas have no mention of this. This is something that was added much later. Everything in life including the religious rituals must change with time and the earlier we get over these, the better it will be for the entire society.
In ancient times, marriage meant seven “Feras” around fire, which is considered sacred by the Hindus. Gradually, the pandits added a lot of things to this ritual and now it has become a whole night affair. This was all right in the era when people had a lot of time after the harvest to indulge in such pleasures.
Indian marriages otherwise are wonderful occasions when the entire family and friends get together and have a very nice time. Except of course for the poor father who has to loosen the purse string and literally sweat it out.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
The Golden Oldies
As a child, I was discouraged to listen to Hindi film songs. They were supposed to have a corruptible influence on young and impressionable minds. The only exception provided was ‘ Binaca Geet Mala ‘which was broadcast by Radio Ceylon on Wednesdays from 8pm to 9pm. and was anchored by one of the longer lasting voices on the radio, Ameen Sayani. We used to wait eagerly for Wednesdays.
Years later, my father was talking to me about literature and rued the fact that very few poets and shayars were writing good poetry these days. He named some exceptions but most of them were from Pakistan. It was then that I reminded him about his views on film songs of the era when we were small kids and expressed the opinion that there was more poetry in those film songs than in what was being dished out as literature these days.
He asked me to give some examples. I did so and it was indeed an experience of my lifetime to see my father savouring those film songs. I would like to quote some of those lines that have captivated lakhs of Indians over the years.
‘Majboor budhapa jab sooni rahon ki dhool na fankega
Masoom ladakpan jab gandi galiyon me bheekh na mangega
Hak mangane walon ko jis din sooli na dikhai jayegi
Woh subah kabhi to ayegi’
(my father has mentioned these lines in his diary too)
‘Utna hi upkar samajh, koi jitna saath nibha de
Janam Maran ka mail he sapna, yeh sapna bisra de
Koi na sang mare
Man re tu kahe na dhir dhare’
‘ Main apani jaan bhi de doon to aitbaar nahin
Ke tumse badhke mujhe jindagi se pyaar nahin
Yuhin sahi meri chahat ka imtihan to lo
Tum ek bar mohabbat ka imtihan to lo.
They are endless. You can spend a lifetime listening to the wonderful lyrics, the melodious music and the magic of the voices of singers like Rafi Saheb, Mukesh, Talat, Hemant, Manna Dey etc.
Sometimes, we go through life carrying biases without checking for ourselves whether our beliefs are true or not. Buddha once said, ‘Do not believe anything because you have read it, do not believe anything because you have heard it, do not believe anything even if I have said it until it passes the test of your logic and reasoning.’
Years later, my father was talking to me about literature and rued the fact that very few poets and shayars were writing good poetry these days. He named some exceptions but most of them were from Pakistan. It was then that I reminded him about his views on film songs of the era when we were small kids and expressed the opinion that there was more poetry in those film songs than in what was being dished out as literature these days.
He asked me to give some examples. I did so and it was indeed an experience of my lifetime to see my father savouring those film songs. I would like to quote some of those lines that have captivated lakhs of Indians over the years.
‘Majboor budhapa jab sooni rahon ki dhool na fankega
Masoom ladakpan jab gandi galiyon me bheekh na mangega
Hak mangane walon ko jis din sooli na dikhai jayegi
Woh subah kabhi to ayegi’
(my father has mentioned these lines in his diary too)
‘Utna hi upkar samajh, koi jitna saath nibha de
Janam Maran ka mail he sapna, yeh sapna bisra de
Koi na sang mare
Man re tu kahe na dhir dhare’
‘ Main apani jaan bhi de doon to aitbaar nahin
Ke tumse badhke mujhe jindagi se pyaar nahin
Yuhin sahi meri chahat ka imtihan to lo
Tum ek bar mohabbat ka imtihan to lo.
They are endless. You can spend a lifetime listening to the wonderful lyrics, the melodious music and the magic of the voices of singers like Rafi Saheb, Mukesh, Talat, Hemant, Manna Dey etc.
Sometimes, we go through life carrying biases without checking for ourselves whether our beliefs are true or not. Buddha once said, ‘Do not believe anything because you have read it, do not believe anything because you have heard it, do not believe anything even if I have said it until it passes the test of your logic and reasoning.’
Friday, May 23, 2008
My take on IPL
When it started, I was shocked to discover that I do not enjoy it. Shocked, because I have given a lot of my time and money for cricket. I have sponsored the Ranchi A division league for several years at a time when I was just starting my practise. I gave it an honest try. Tried to watch 40 overs of an IPL match but could not manage it. After a few overs, my hand would automatically reach for the remote.
Watching these matches gives me a creepy feeling. I have a feeling that someone close to me is being raped in public and an audience of 50000 is not only watching it but also applauding it. My remote takes me back to the star cricket channel where I can still watch the classical cover drive of a Sunil Gavaskar, an elegant square drive of a Vishwanath, a wonderful Gazel like run-up to the wicket of a Holding or batting made easy by a Gower.
I am allready an old man. Am I?
Watching these matches gives me a creepy feeling. I have a feeling that someone close to me is being raped in public and an audience of 50000 is not only watching it but also applauding it. My remote takes me back to the star cricket channel where I can still watch the classical cover drive of a Sunil Gavaskar, an elegant square drive of a Vishwanath, a wonderful Gazel like run-up to the wicket of a Holding or batting made easy by a Gower.
I am allready an old man. Am I?
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Another Terror Strike
It has started to happen so regularly that it has almost stopped shocking us. Yesterday, when serial blasts were ripping apart Jaipur, millions of Indians were busy watching IPL on TV. Does it mean that we have accepted this as a reality, we have to learn to live with? Or the fact that it does not matter to us as long as we or someone close to us do not become victims of such terror strikes.
What sort of people are these terrorists? Do they really believe that killing innocent people in any way serves God's purpose? More blood has been shed in this world in the name of religion than in any other cause.
जो भोंकता है छुरा इन्सान के पेट में,
कोई हिंदू, मुस्लमान, सिख, इसाई नही होता,
उस दरिंदे को किसी इमान से मत जोडो,
दरिंदों का कोई इमान नहीं होता।
My heart goes out to those who lost their family members in this dastardly act. I was really moved by the photograph of a newly married couple, both dead, with the caption, "Together in Death"
May God give strength to the Jaipurians to bear this loss.
What sort of people are these terrorists? Do they really believe that killing innocent people in any way serves God's purpose? More blood has been shed in this world in the name of religion than in any other cause.
जो भोंकता है छुरा इन्सान के पेट में,
कोई हिंदू, मुस्लमान, सिख, इसाई नही होता,
उस दरिंदे को किसी इमान से मत जोडो,
दरिंदों का कोई इमान नहीं होता।
My heart goes out to those who lost their family members in this dastardly act. I was really moved by the photograph of a newly married couple, both dead, with the caption, "Together in Death"
May God give strength to the Jaipurians to bear this loss.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Being Happy
There is a couplet in Urdu that goes like this,
" Ya to diwana hase ya woh jise Tu taufeeque de
warna is duniya me aakar muskurata kaun hai."
My late father, Prof. Gurudeva Sharan always used to say " life is like one long sentence of sorrow,punctuated with happiness." But then he always said that although this was true, it also tells us that there are very simple means through which we can increase these moments of happiness.
Whatever I am today as a person is entirely due to my father. If I could pass on to my children even half of what I received from him, I will consider myself a very good father. My father lived for five more years after my mother's death in 1992. Every morning, till his death in 1997, I used to start my day with a visit to my father( he used to live with the family of my late brother and I stayed in a separate house). For an hour, he shared his experiences, his wisdom, his knowledge of scriptures with me. We talked about politics, about literature, about films, almost everything that we could think of. It now appears to me that he was making a conscious effort to pass on his wisdom to the next generation. When ever I think about him speaking to me, i am reminded of Bhishma Pitamaha, lying on his bed of arrows and trying to pass his wisdom on to Yudhishtir while waiting for his death after the the epic battle of The Mahabharata.
Coming back to the topic of happiness, let us see how we can increase these moments of happiness:-
1) Rejoice when your relatives, your friends, your neighbours and esp. their children do well in their lives. By adding their moments of happiness to your own, you can easily increase your happiness.
2) Learn to give. Not only money and material but something of your own. Your affection, your love and your quality time. I can not describe the happiness we feel when children of asha Kiran call us mummy and papa.
3) Keep your children and your grand-children close to your heart. They are the biggest source of happiness. I really pity those who do not enjoy the company of their children. You can imagine my happiness when my father called me his closest friend.
4) Take time off from whatever you do and spend time with your family.
i am sure that these simple methods will help you to increase your happy moments.
" Ya to diwana hase ya woh jise Tu taufeeque de
warna is duniya me aakar muskurata kaun hai."
My late father, Prof. Gurudeva Sharan always used to say " life is like one long sentence of sorrow,punctuated with happiness." But then he always said that although this was true, it also tells us that there are very simple means through which we can increase these moments of happiness.
Whatever I am today as a person is entirely due to my father. If I could pass on to my children even half of what I received from him, I will consider myself a very good father. My father lived for five more years after my mother's death in 1992. Every morning, till his death in 1997, I used to start my day with a visit to my father( he used to live with the family of my late brother and I stayed in a separate house). For an hour, he shared his experiences, his wisdom, his knowledge of scriptures with me. We talked about politics, about literature, about films, almost everything that we could think of. It now appears to me that he was making a conscious effort to pass on his wisdom to the next generation. When ever I think about him speaking to me, i am reminded of Bhishma Pitamaha, lying on his bed of arrows and trying to pass his wisdom on to Yudhishtir while waiting for his death after the the epic battle of The Mahabharata.
Coming back to the topic of happiness, let us see how we can increase these moments of happiness:-
1) Rejoice when your relatives, your friends, your neighbours and esp. their children do well in their lives. By adding their moments of happiness to your own, you can easily increase your happiness.
2) Learn to give. Not only money and material but something of your own. Your affection, your love and your quality time. I can not describe the happiness we feel when children of asha Kiran call us mummy and papa.
3) Keep your children and your grand-children close to your heart. They are the biggest source of happiness. I really pity those who do not enjoy the company of their children. You can imagine my happiness when my father called me his closest friend.
4) Take time off from whatever you do and spend time with your family.
i am sure that these simple methods will help you to increase your happy moments.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Some Tips On How To Become The Life President Of A Sports Body
1) Choose a sport that is not affiliated to the Indian Olympic Association. The IOA has a very nasty habbit of poking its nose where it is not needed.
2) Once you become a president, induct 420 new members. The criteria for choosing new members should be as follows:
A) They should never have played that sport.
B) They should never have dreamt of becoming members of that august body.
C) Their knowledge about that sport should be restricted to what they learn by watching the hindi electronic media.
D) They should be fiercely loyal not to tne sport but to you.
E) They should preferably be tongue-tied.
3) Use these 420 members to expel all those members who have played and served the sport since the time when there was no money in the sport and everything had to be done with your own hands. Also expel those members who are not tongue-tied and use their tongue carelessly.
4) Enjoy the presidency for life.
2) Once you become a president, induct 420 new members. The criteria for choosing new members should be as follows:
A) They should never have played that sport.
B) They should never have dreamt of becoming members of that august body.
C) Their knowledge about that sport should be restricted to what they learn by watching the hindi electronic media.
D) They should be fiercely loyal not to tne sport but to you.
E) They should preferably be tongue-tied.
3) Use these 420 members to expel all those members who have played and served the sport since the time when there was no money in the sport and everything had to be done with your own hands. Also expel those members who are not tongue-tied and use their tongue carelessly.
4) Enjoy the presidency for life.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Mahi-Vey 2
During the recent tour of Australia, Mahi has shown a tremendous capacity to read the situation and bat accordingly. I remember one of his innings in which he did not score a single boundry but won the match for his team.
It will be too premature to comment on his captaincy. As of now,we can only say that he is a very gutsy and lucky captain. I will wait for another year to pass any judgement.
My advise to him? Continue to be your own self. We shall all pray to God that the money, the adulation, the media hype will not affect you and you will continue to be the Mahi we all know and love. We are proud of your achievements.
It will be too premature to comment on his captaincy. As of now,we can only say that he is a very gutsy and lucky captain. I will wait for another year to pass any judgement.
My advise to him? Continue to be your own self. We shall all pray to God that the money, the adulation, the media hype will not affect you and you will continue to be the Mahi we all know and love. We are proud of your achievements.
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